Daddy treated me like a princess.  He did things a prince would do for his princess. He bought me a horse when I was just 6 years old, built my brother and I the best puppet theater any child could ever want.  He loved us.  He hugged us and he told us how special and gifted we were.

He made sure we had cars to drive and he sent my brother and I to college and paid for Graduate School too.  He actually did more than many princes would do.

He was a  teacher, a mentor and a friend.

I had decided early on that I wanted to marry my prince like most little girls do. I was determine Daddy was the man for me!  When my mother broke the news that I couldn’t marry him, I was pretty devastated.  I think right then and there I made up my mind I wanted to marry someone just like the first prince charming I ever knew.  Thank God “Winters” finally came along.  (There was no pressure on him at all)

Daddy was serious and yet he was funny.  He was smart. Actually, he was really wise.  He loved music.   He loved the theater and musicals.  I can’t tell you how many times I have seen Paint your Wagon, Hello Dolly and Calamity Jane.  He loved hot tea every morning and his favorite candy was licorice, circus peanuts and orange slices. He enjoyed one nice glass of wine straight out of the box with Fritos every night after work while he read the paper. Funny what you remember.

He was indeed a man of wise words and he imparted one of those wise words to a boyfriend of mine once – as said boyfriend sat in daddy’s favorite chair. When dad arrived home from work and saw my boyfriend, he said, “Son, do yourself a favor and remember you never sit in a man’s chair or park in his parking place.” That boyfriend flew out of the chair and never sat there again.

However, once “Winters” came along he was the only man in my life daddy allowed to sit in his chair.  He never once asked him to move. “Winters” always offered, but daddy always said “sit, you’re fine”.  That was his seal of approval and need I say more.

My dad was a man’s man, but had such a tender side too.  I can see why my mother fell in love with him and how they made it 50 years.

Mommy said that during the Vietnam War everyone was buying shelters, but Daddy came home with a new station white wagon instead.

He also loved good music and good food.  He loved steak. That was until he had two heart attacks and he decided he loved life more.

He was a gift to me.

For some reason when I was little I loved to call him, Dr. A. Carlin, but his middle name was Owen.  Mom said I just made it up one day out of the blue.  She said he loved it.  I have  little notes telling him how much I loved him addressed that way.  Funny what you hang onto isn’t it?

Daddy was raised in Tulsa and did not have an easy childhood. His father was an abusive alcoholic, but it did not stop daddy’s drive and passion to find God or his desire for a happy family of his own one day. I believe he choose as a child to be a different kind of man. He struggled in school academically and failed the fourth grade.  But that too did not stop him from fulfilling his childhood dream of becoming a veterinarian.

He was not perfect and in fact he made some pretty big mistakes in his lifetime.  But he worked hard to make up for those mistakes. He worked too hard actually and did not retire soon enough, but that is just the way things go sometimes.

After one of those big mistakes in 1979, which nearly brought him to ruin, and after several years of working almost day and night to make this business decision a good one, Daddy was at the end of his rope. While driving home he was plotting how to kill himself.  The only caveat was he was trying to figure out how he could still take care of all of us with the insurance.  The irony is that the worst decision of his life became his best, because on that May 11th day daddy wrote in daily journal, “that he gave his life to Jesus whole heartedly without any reservation to the Lord”.

I had a bible and he took it and dove in.  He marked it up and studied it up one side and down the other.  I wish I had it, but somewhere along the way it was lost.  He loved the Lord and teaching God’s word.  He even pastored a church for about 6 years while he was still running his veterinary practice at the age of 63.

Daddy did love to travel and would load us up like the Grizwalls in the motion picture “Vacation” every summer.  My brother, Scott  and I could have written that movie hands down. ” Winters” loves to tease me about the great ball of string and the corn palace. I think he is just jealous.

It is funny, I rarely if  ever heard my father swear, instead he would say “fooey”.  It was quit funny coming from a big old guy like him. He tried very hard to be a man of bravery, chivalry and honor.  Daddy was like an old sage.  He was full of knowledge and wisdom about life and all its particulars.  I looked to him for years for guidance and advice again until I got married. But he still had a wise word when the princess needed a bit of encouragement and direction.

I loved to work at his veterinary clinic as his “assistant” from the time I was just able to walk.  I helped him put on his sterile gloves right before surgery once.  I was not so helpful that day but I did deliver a kitten and I even organized a burial for one of his former cat patients after daddy went to the nursing home.  That is a story in itself…..

Daddy was an inventor.  The Sons of Thunder have his gifts. He made a rope swing for the Sons one year.  They thought he was so cool and he was.

When daddy’s memory started to go it was so unbelievable to all of us. We lived 1,000 miles away and really couldn’t gauge the situation nor its full impact.  We simply couldn’t wrap our heads around it.  One conversation I had with him in June of 2008, I told him how concerned I was about his memory loss.  I explained that he was simply not remembering and how this was affecting he and my mother.  He looked at me with tears in his eyes and said “You are describing a man in trouble and that man is me”.

So wise he was, yet moments later he could not remember our talk at all.  In fact I believe it was that same trip he asked me to leave his home and never come back.  The princess was being banished, of course moments later he had forgotten  all that too.  But not the princess.  With all his knowledge and wisdom, he could not save himself and we couldn’t  save him either.  Sadly, he was much sicker than we knew.  The effects of  dementia and mini strokes  or what ever else it was had completely impaired his short-term memory and  had taken hold.

My father and I rarely had cross words over the course of my life, but in the last three years that changed.  We had many sad and very difficult conversations. My friends would always remind me it was the “disease talking.”  I knew they were right but that didn’t really make it any easier. In August of 2008 we basically dismantled my parents’ lives together of 50 years. And we did it in less than 24 hours after getting emergency guardianship.

Putting my father in a psychiatric ward was incomprehensible to me, but that is what we had to do.  We then got dad and mom transferred to an assisted living facility for full-time care.   When the princess must lock away her prince there are really no words that can describe the grief and pain that brings.

In “the moment” he was  good!, but only  in the moment.”  Talking to him would break my heart and not talking to him broke my heart too. So a part of my heart was broken all the time.  Life is hard and in one of those ” in the moment ” conversations with Daddy, he reminded me that our “struggles make us stronger.”  My brother and I and our spouses and our children have indeed struggled this four years, but I am indeed stronger.  So if my story will bring some comfort to another then I pray God will use it.

I will so miss daddy saying “How is my girl”  and  “I am so proud of you” – his words spoke life and encouragement.  My parents sweet words of encouragement were  like a cold drink of water for a thirsty old soul

The loss of my sweet Prince Charming -  my sweet Daddy, is really unbelievable as it is for any princess.

Daddy was great with “Winters,” they had a mutual respect and appreciation.  Daddy was great with the my boys “the Sons of Thunder” and dinnertime was always very memorable.  He made them laugh and he loved to share his wisdom.  When “Winters” finally decided to write his book “Everyone Needs  A Sam” about seeking wisdom, Godly advise and being a mentor, I knew he was certainly on to something.   It seemed like a the perfect thing to do because I had been in the presence of these “Sams” since the day I was born.

To know that the “Sons of Thunder” will no longer have this man they called Papa in their life or this women that they called Mi Mi is just more than  I can bear to think about. They are simply too young to know what they have lost and maybe that is a good thing.

As “Winters”  so beautifully put it – ” The circle is now complete”.  This is a milestone in the life of  daughter and every princess when she must say goodbye to her prince forever.

But my sweet Prince Charming  is right where he is supposed to be in the arms of my mother dancing away in Heaven!  And I am certain they are busy about the work of the Lord.

So one prince is gone and one remains

And I am certain I am right where I am supposed to be with the prince that said “I do”  almost eighteen years ago. We continue to dance through the trials of life and sometimes even step on each other’s toes. The princess has no castles, no horses, no fleet of ships, not even one sailboat.

Yet we have each other and we have the Sons of Thunder.

And the legacy, and life, goes on.

It is a  process.  A much-needed process for almost all human beings.  Some of us try to skip it,  just move on past it without dealing with it, grief that is.  But grief waits for you. It is patient and it simply waits.  It waits until you are ready to make the journey.

So many of us want to ignore it and some have tried  hard to skip right past grief.  But few have done it successfully.

For most of us we must simply walk through it, sometimes we are ready and sometimes we are not.

It is as though grief takes one hand and Jesus the other and you begin to walk together through the pain, through the memories and through the tears.  

How you grieve doesn’t matter so much as the fact that you do grieve. How you grieve is really up to you. No one else can tell you how to do it, when to do it, where to do or even how long to do it.

It is your grief and it is your pain alone to process.

Yours alone, my friend, and grief is like a patient friend who waits for you. Just waiting for the right moment to help you through your sorrow.

I am sure that there are those who think I haven’t grieved enough and others who think I have grieved far too much over the events of the last  four years. I know because I have been given much feedback about my grief.

What others think really doesn’t matter though. Whether they are right or wrong is really not the issue at all. It is about the one grieving the loss of the one that is gone forever.

I have learned this year that the beautiful thing about grief is it waits for you … Yes, it waits in the recesses of your heart until you are ready to make the journey. We do not just grieve once and it is over. No, not at all.  It is a process that ebbs and flows like the tide.

It is a though we stop at the bend in the road for a brief moment. We stop for a respite.  Just for a  moment so the pain and grief may wash over us. We stop to feel the deep hurt and loss we have been holding back for so long like that of a huge dam keeping the  flood gates closed.

We stop to sit and to rest a moment. We stop to cry and for a moment we let out the pain. And after that small pause in the road of life, we grieve and then we resume the journey of living once again.

But grief waits for you and when you are ready, then you may grieve.

The deep sadness we feel from death, abandonment, rejection, or even the death of a simple dream are each so deserving of  grieving.

I picked up an article not to long  ago that said the death of a loved one is like having a huge gaping wound that you are trying to care for all by yourself.  Well, that explains a lot doesn’t it? A wound so deep you can hardly comprehend it.

But what about those times that we must carry on?  Sometimes there is simply no time to grieve.  There are things to be done and life must keep going  on whether we like it or not. It would be nice to put life on hold so we could just let it all go, the pain, the hurt, the grief. We just want to escape. But that is not very realistic.  Let’s be honest, we must carry on. We just have to.

When you are grieving someone you love with Alzheimer’s, you grieve often.  You grieve many times over and over before your loved one ever actually leaves this world and then you grieve again when they finally do.

But like any loss, waves of grief and sadness find their way into your heart more than you ever thought possible.

Not to long ago, I read a great article by a women whose friend had died from complications of  Alzheimer’s.  It was a huge emotional outlet.   The tears flowed for my mom and for my dad and for every other loss I have ever had these last few years.

So for me, I grieve when I can, but this particular cry was long, quite and comforting.  It was unexpected, but obviously much-needed.

I needed to cry. I needed to grieve and so grief waited for me and on that day as I read that article, grief took one hand and Jesus the other and we journeyed through the process of  saying goodbye once again.

Grief waits for us when, you alone are ready.  It simply waits….. until the moment is right and you are ready to do whatever you need to do.

Be blessed and encouraged abundantly today and remember that grief  and our Lord and Savior wait patiently for you.

I am really excited about this series because I am sharing about something that is near and dear to my heart.  I want to give women, like yourself, important information to help you experience the healthiest life you can and make long-term choices that will lead to optimum emotional and physical health.

I love health and nutrition and I love helping women discover their passion and purpose.  I always have.  I have more books than I can count on nutrition, yoga, relaxation, healthy cooking, searching for significance and growing deeper in Christ – the list goes on. I am afraid Winters could tell you exactly how many I have because he has helped me move them many times.

Just to give you a little background. One reason I was always interested in healthy living  is because I watched my mother struggle with her weight most of my adolescent and adult life.  I saw the impact it had on her emotions, self-image and self-worth. It was incredible how many books she had on weight loss.  Mom almost always put everyone else first.  She put off her art, she put of traveling and furthering her education and it was not until the end of her life that she finally started focusing on her art, but by then she had very little time.

My mom did every weight loss program ever know to man and that was ever on the market.  But when she returned to Weight Watchers in her early sixties after being inspired by my sister-in-law’s dedication and success, she finally lost her weight for good.

With weight gone, Mom was more confident and more out going than ever before.  Her story is apart of my story.

My mom overate for many reasons and she shared some of her pains with me over the years.

As a counselor, I found this change and transformation in my mother so interesting, as well as heart breaking. I saw the changes in her life up close.

There really was a joy I had never really seen in her before.  I think that made it even more tragic to lose her at such a young age to a brutal disease like Alzheimer’s.  She and daddy were so happy and fun-loving together, partially because Mom was so much more secure, comfortable, confident in her skin. It was obvious she felt good!

It made me sad that she had struggled all those years and it made me sit back and contemplate what we can do differently as women to take better care of ourselves and focus more on our needs.  We need to address our needs, as well as the needs of those we love. Finding the balance is key.

We all know that we are always putting everyone else first.  But we must be sure that we are taking care of ourselves and that we are healthy and strong. That may mean that sometimes we have to say “it’s my turn.”  Today I am first.  Don’t panic, I know that God is always first.  What I mean is that with our families, sometimes we have to say “this is what I need and I need it now!”

We have to take care of our body.  We need it to be strong for us.  It is God’s temple and we need it for this journey we are on.

Many of you have shared with me your struggles, both emotionally and physically.  I am preaching to the choir when I say we must make sure we take care of themselves along the way.  Being strong is so important for the journey. It is important for you and important for your family.  yet as moms we are often juggling so many balls in the air at  one time.

As the old saying goes, “if momma isn’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” So I want to help you be healthy, happy, stress-free and fulfilled!

Again, let me  say I am just like you, I have my good days and my bad ones too, but over the years I have really tried to focus on the idea of Healthy Living From the Inside Out.

So everything I will be sharing in this series is from my own personal experience. Some of  The LBD’s  Guide to a FabYOUlous You ~The Essential To Healthy Living tips are obvious,  but we can always use a good reminder. Hopefully, there are some new ideas as well.

But they are my top essentials to being a FabYOUlous You!  I believe these can help get you on the way to your purpose and passion and health and happiness in your lives from the inside out!

I Look forward to you following the LBD’s Guide to a FabYOUlous You!

Be blessed and encouraged abundantly today as we  start living a healthier life.

I must be honest and say that our future still seems unclear and our plans for the future are still rather uncertain.  But we are making our way through the changes as best we can and  with God’s grace we are seeing our way through slowly but surely.

As many of you know, in the last four years we have taken on Alzheimer’s, job changes, buy outs, nursing homes, the loss of my mom, the loss of my dad, planning funerals,  moving once, moving twice, an estate sale, a home remodel, renting a house, flipping a house, returning to a house, selling a house, planting tulips, bidding farewell to friends and a great dispersion of stuff.  That’s just some of the list.

It was also during that time we have been on the brink of breakthroughs, breakdowns and plain broke more than once.

I am sure you too have your list. It may not look just like mine, but either way it is a list full of life challenges, disappointments and heart break; but hopefully some joy scattered throughout!  

So on that particular day a year ago, it  all caught up with me.  I had hit my wall, as we say around the Winters’ house, and when you have hit your wall, well, you have hit your wall.  You may know what I am talking about.  I know some of you do because you have told me so.

As I was driving all alone down the highway that day, I knew if  I just allowed myself to simply think about crying, I would.

Not that I wanted to cry, but the pain was just too close for comfort. Sometimes the pain needs an escape hatch, for me the tear ducts are usually it.

Living on the brink can be hard over time!  But that is where we often spend much of our time.  But it is often where we really find ourselves…

Life is a journey and for the believer it is one of faith and trust.

On this journey called life, we spend much of the time trying to find the path, find the time and yes, sometimes even finding the faith to pursue the dream God has for us while we are at the brink of whatever it is we are facing.

Sometimes God has to take us to the brink to finally take us to our breakthrough.

We might feel as though we have been squeezed through the eye of a needle trying to get there, but in the end we will have found the path. Sometimes it’s easy and sometimes it isn’t.  But that is why we must surround ourselves with those who believe in our purpose.

Keeping yourself together can be difficult in the middle of mourning, munchkins, mothering, marriage and maintaining the meaning of life.  But it can been done.  Whether you get a break through right away or not, staying strong is so important for the journey.  It is important for you and important for your family.

Staying strong is accomplished many different ways and I have personally found some fabulous ways to stay strong in the midst of the trials and stresses of life.  This coming Tuesday I will have a new a post sharing those insights.  I hope you will check it out.

But we must remember we are not alone.  We must remember that God and love will hold us together – that God said He will never leave us nor forsake us.

In the midst of all of our issues of life, remember, we are not alone.

So on that day more than a year ago, a song came on the radio that spoke so deeply to my spirit that I will never forget it.  It took me awhile to track it down but I finally did.  I was moved by the lyrics, instrumentals and the artist. Needless to say I was moved.

It has been danced to more than once as Winters and I have taken many spins around the kitchen to this all time favorite.  The Sons love it too!  Whenever I find myself getting down I love to play this inspirational song. Ironiclly, as I worked on this blog I heard the song three days in a row as I was in the car.  I rarely hear it and it was such a blessing. It just made me laugh and it put such a smile on my face.

Here are just some of those powerful words.  I can’t post the video here, but I hope you will check it out my Facebook page @ Corby Carlin Winters. This song and the video are powerful beyond words.  It brings me comfort, inspiration and encouragement. And I feel certain it will do the same for you.

Here is just a sampling, “It don’t have a job, it can’t pay your bills. Won’t by you a home in Beverly Hill. Won’t fix your life in five easy steps,  not the law of the land or the government. But it is all you need ~ Love will hold us together.  Make us a shelter to weather the storm. And I’ll be my brother’s keeper. So the whole world will know we are not alone.

It is waiting for you.  Knocking at your door.  In the  moment of truth. When your heart is full and you are on your knees.  Love will hold us together make us a shelter to whether the storm .  Because even in the dark you can still see the light, it’s going to be alright.” Love will hold us together .”This is the first day of the rest of your life.  It is going to be alright.  Love will hold us together make us a shelter to whether the storm!”

So dear, sweet friend, remember you may find yourself on the “brink” many times over in your lifetime but please … please … remember you are not alone. The love of others and the divine love of God will hold us together!

Be strong and of good courage and be blessed and encouraged today as God holds you together.

To be honest with you, this is a sad story, but is scattered with love, hope, and encouragement.  I pray my story is a blessing to you and if you have found yourself in a similar situation, I also pray it brings you comfort, wisdom and strength.

For the last five years, we watched the slow decay of my parents.  Alzheimer’s was our foe.  At times, for me, it was like watching through a foggy window and staring into someones else’s home.  I would think… this can’t be happening to us, to these amazing people.  At first slowly, and then very quickly, the disease caught up with them and also with us.  I am one of thousands of women that have found themselves in what is being called the sandwich generation.   We are among those who are caring for their young families and now have the responsiblity of caring for their parents, too.   It is sadly, being sandwiched  between two worlds.   At first, it was hard to grasp, as my brother and I do not live near our parents.  Because of the distance between us, we only saw them maybe twice a year.

Each trip brought new subtle hints that things were not quite right.  My father was the master of explaining away these troubling  issues.  Dad would not remember holidays or birthdays.  He began to hide things and forgot to pay bills.  There were big bills, like home insurance and car insurance and heating bills which resulted in neglect.  The red flags just kept coming, but these things were so unlike the man I knew who was always on top of everything.   He was the go-to man.  He was always able to help with just about anything.  He was the primary caregiver for our mother.  We have since learned that it is often the caregiver who is impacted as severely as the patient.

We knew my mother had been declining for about five years.  It grew harder and harder for her to even get up and to get dressed.  She quit painting, then quit driving and was cooking less and less.  As time passed, even communicating became more and more difficult.  I realize that I had  been dealing with the loss of my mother for years.  Though painful, this is the reality. Seeing  my father  begin to suffer mentally at the same time, was simply incomprehensible.  When we realized that, we had to step in.  We tried everything  to assist them without disrupting their lives and dignity.  This was to no avail.

We hired home healthcare nurses who would work for a day or so before being dismissed by my father.  You see, my father’s problem is that he lost all short-term memory.  He was “hard-wired”  as the doctors said, about things he had done all his life.  He could drive, he could shop, he could operate on animals at his veterinary practice, but he could not remember a conversation from an hour ago.  He could not even remember when we were there visiting.   My dad could remember his grandkids’ names, but not that he had lunch with them two hours before.

The nurses would come.  He would get angry and ask why they were there?  He would fire them and then get upset when we told him that was not an option.  He thought my mom was fine.  He was convinced that she was doing  the cleaning, washing , vacuuming and daily taking her pills.  Unfortunately, she wasn’t  and couldn’t do any of those things.  We spent most of the summer of 2008, at their home, trying to help sort everything out and attempt to help them get everything medically and financially in order.  Our problem was, we could not convince my dad that HE was having problems, or that mom needed help other that him.  He would finally agree to accept help and then unfortunately, he would forget that entire conversation within an hour.  We  would be  back to square one.

In September of 2008, we decided to step in and take control.  My dad could not take care of mom, whom we knew needed full-time care.  The disease had altered my father’s personality and he became very paranoid.  My brother went to court and took emergency guardianship. Later, we appeared in court and my brother was granted full and permanent guardianship.  Alzheimer’s left me feeling as if I had been initiated into some type of bizarre club!  It had become necessary to place both my parents in an assisted living facility.    What are the odds of losing both parents to this horrible disease at the same time?

In less than two weeks, we basically dismantled their lives.  Their lives, as they knew it, no longer existed.  We shut down my dad’s fifty-five year veterinary practice that been his pride and joy. We took my mother out of her home and away from all her prized possessions.

It has been one of the saddest experiences of my life.  I realized  that Christmas, Easter and summer vacations would never be the same.  The mere conversations that I once took for granted would now no longer occur.  The simple stuff in life was not so simple anymore.  It is tragic to comprehend that my children will no longer experience their grandparents outside of the nursing home walls.  I have spent the better part of a year holding back the tears that so easily want to come.  Some days, I feel like I’m holding on by a thread.  Thank God, the thread remains strong!

The sons of Thunder have been quick to ask if I am crying.  Even if I just have the sniffles from a cold, they are concerned.  Unfortunately, they have grown used to seeing tears and they know that does not make one weak.  Fortunately,they are quick to give comforting hugs and kisses.  They know things are different, too.  I have tried to shield them from this experience but it really is impossible to do.   My brother and I have had to spend hours on the phone dealing with their care and it always seems to be at the worst times.  The boys have been awesome putting up with this.  My husband has been unbelievable.  He is truly a rock.

My mother has now lost her ability to speak, but her smile and sweet gentle touch remain. She still knows me.  At least she knew me at Christmas ,which was the last time I spent time with her.  We originally had them together, but found it was necessary to put them on separate wards.  See, my dad kept thinking they were at some hotel and wanted to check out and get back to work.  He has no idea what is going on until the nurse “redirects him” as they call it.  My dad continues to have problems accepting what is going on.  He often thinks he is at a meeting or a speaking engagement, which really is just fine with me.  My mom seems content with where she is, and I think she realized what was happening.

It’s been incredibly hard to separate them.  This is not the kind of thing you want for your parents as they approach their 50^th wedding anniversary.  They are allowed see each other once or twice a week.  I continue to remind myself they are safe and well cared for where they are.

They are still the most loving people I have ever known.  My mother was a gifted artist and an amazing prayer warrior.  Everyone went to mom to be prayed for.  She knew no stranger. Dad even had a small church for about 6 years.  They were funny, outgoing and awesome parents.  They loved to entertain, dance and travel.  Our home was always open to friends and family.  The person I am today I attribute to my faith in Jesus, and to their love, encouragement and instruction.  They never failed to instill in me the faith that I could accomplish anything I wanted to do.

I try to look back without regret on the choices we’ve made.  My only regret was we did not intervene sooner.  We were so concerned about not making them angry with us.  We were their children.  They were our parents, but I should not have worried so much about making them mad or intruding on their privacy.  I should have focused more on the fact that they no longer could truly care for themselves.  I would have talked to them much sooner about their health care choices and all the legal issues we have now have had to face.

Although I am a counselor, one of the best decisions I made was to see a counselor myself. There comes a time when family and friends need a break from your sad story.  A trained professional can bring support, perspective and insight.  Ironically, my counselor happened to be living through the same experience with her parents.  Of course, I know that it was no mere accident, but perfectly ordained by the Lord, to put me with just the right person at just the right time.

There are days that I laugh at the fact that I am out sharing this message of Extraordinary Living when I know people may look at my life, with all its heartache, and wonder if the two are incongruent.   I still believe we are called to Live the Extraordinary Life, even in the midst of extraordinary pain.  I know, for certain, that God has a great and mighty plan for each one of us, even in the midst of our suffering.  My parents have had an Extraordinary Life, but that life was taken away by disease.  The spirit of God, however, is still alive and well inside them.  My husband and I remember the wonderful life we have, our precious and wildly wonderful Sons of Thunders, our health, and family.  I firmly believe we should live our lives, right now, today, this minute, this very second.  This very moment deserves our full attention and it should be savored, because it will be gone before we know it.

I thank God for my friends, who have walked this journey with me and have never tired of my story and my pain.  I am grateful for the amazing women in the bible study I lead for two years. The women were, and are, incredible women of God.  I am blessed to have such amazing Godly women friends that have been with me all the way through this. You know who you are!  Words cannot thank you enough for your love prayers and support. 

I am also so thankful for these matriarchal women that I must name, like Carol, Laverne and Sue, who have stepped in to love me as my mother would have if she could have.  These childhood friends’ mothers have been unbelievably supportive.  Carol let me stay with her for three weeks during an emergency trip back and even helped to move my parents to new living quarters with help from my maid of honor, Anna, while Sue and Laverne kept mom occupied.  These are true friends, the ones you can call and who show up at the drop of a hat.  The friends who will even turn the car around in the middle of the raod to go right where you need them to go.  I thank God for my parents’ friends, who visit them faithfully.  They have supported me through encouraging words and have reminded me that my parents would have done this for them. They remind me I am doing the best I can for them and that helps alleviate some of my pain. We should all be so blessed to have those kinds of friends. I am thankful, too, for my husband’s parents who have always treated me more like a daughter than a daughter-in-law. I am truly blessed and so grateful. They provided endless support and words of encouragment that came at such a critical times as well.

I have hung on to the fact that God says that all things work together for good…… God does not say that all things are good, but that He will work them together for good.  There is good in the midst of all of this.  I pray you can see that just as I have come to see it.  My parents are safe, loved, and well cared for.  My mother loves on the nurses with her sweet and gentle spirit and is being enjoyed by those she is around.  My Dad prays for the others in the home and shares Jesus with them.

For me, I have reconnected with so many dear friends throughout this ordeal.  We are now returning to our home state to be closer to my parents and my husband’s family.  This will allow us to be more involved in their care.  My marriage and family is strong. My brother and his family are strong.  We are united together as a family and in our faith.   Best of all, at least for today, my Mom and Dad still know who I am.  So I continue to believe God is still working all things together for His good!

My mother had carried on Grandma Schiederman’s tradition of forging a friendship that would endure a lifetime.  We survived boyfriends, pageants, college and thousands of miles of separation.   That was the kind of friend my mother was and on June 8, 2009, I said goodbye to my best friend.  I have not posted anything new since April, because I simply could not find the words.   If you have read ”Sandwiched In”, then you already know this but for those of you who have not,  the last 5 years my mother fought  the disease of Alzheimer’s, dementia, and/or Parkinson.  The doctors, and even my brother and I, aren’t really sure or can’t really agree what exact disease mom suffered from.

Whatever it was ,the the illness snatched my mother’s ability to speak in full sentences and by the end, she could say very little .  She could barely write either. This  is so ironic for a women who loved to talk, pray and tell the most detailed stories.  The kind of stories that my father would ask if they had an ending.  She was an amazing artist too. To see her lose her ability to draw, paint and create, was heart breaking.  But in the midst of all of this, my mother still radiated the love of Jesus.  She never lost her ability to say, “ I love you” and flash a beautiful smile.

As believers, we are to live a life that is a testimony to the world of the awesome saving grace of Jesus.  I once heard it said that “the ever present world is watching.”  The world is watching to see how we handle  “the good, the bad and the ugly.”  Mother tried to live a life that was pleasing and honorable to the Lord.  She saw the good in everyone and she knew no stranger.  Not only did she live a life that honored God, but so did the countless friends that walked through the valley of the shadow with us.  We have seen that God’s love endures forever.

I have been walking this journey of loss and have been saying good bye to this dear friend for almost 5 years now.  When you lose your mother,  a dear friend as this one, the goodbye is never really final.  Some say it will get easier and some say that you never get over it.  Having three boys which we fondly refer to as the “Sons of Thunder”,  it seems an even stronger reminder that she will no longer be a part of their lives either.

I once heard someone say that the reason we get married or develop close friendships is so that they can be a witness to our lives. They will say your life mattered and it will not go unnoticed.  They will say I will remember you and all you have done.  I will be a witness to your life and testify to the difference you made in this world.  Well, dear friends, I can testify to the life of Eddi Carlin, my mother and my friend.  I can say without hesitation how proud I am to have been  her daughter.  How honored I am when people think I look  like her, act like her or possess some of her gifts.

I can testify that her impact on my life  and the lives of others,  was unforgettable.  I can testify to her amazing gifts, to forgive, to embrace and to celebrate the beauty around her.  I miss her smile, her amazing unending support and encouragement.  I was the blessed one to have such an awesome mother.  She was transparent, real, honest and passionate about the Lord.  I have been so blessed to be so loved.  Anytime I told her I was planning to do something,  she always came back with “Go for it,  You can do that.”   She empowered me to believe in myself and the gifts God had given me.

I am too young to lose my mother, my friend, my encourager, and even if I lived to be 120 years old,  it would have been too soon .  She had a word of wisdom for just about everything. She knew no stranger and was an encourager to all those around her.

“Death is so inconvenient.  We try to live and love and it comes and interrupts.”  I heard these lyrics nine years ago, by Sara Groves, on her beautiful CD Conversation.   These words resonate in my spirit so much  since mother’s death.  As my mother slipped away,  I had so much more I wanted to say.  Mother’s body was tired and the nursing home and the moves were just too much for her.  So for me, there is peace and solace in knowing that in my sweet mother’s death, she was given life and freedom and a new life in the fellowship of our Lord and Savior.  The lyrics continue with ” What I know from God’s word is to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord and what I know of Him, that must be really good.”