You may call it something else at your house, but we call “It” that.  The thing you feel when you know you can’t take one more step, one more move, one more phone call not returned, one more whatever.  It is when you’re flat-out “spent”.

You have nothing left to give yourself – or anyone else for that matter.

To be honest friends, I have felt that more than once in the last several years.  Starting over a life is not easy. Losing my parents, who were such strong Godly pillars in my life, and simply having to make so many decisions about our life and life’s work has been flat-out exhausting at times.

But I know many of you are walking through the same journey as Winters and I are.  I also know it could be even harder and I am grateful it is not. On this Thankful Thursday I am grateful for the friends that have chosen to stand beside us and face our future, or “giants” as Winters calls them, together with us.  I am thankful for those friends that say” how can I help,” and “what can I do,” or simply “I love your latest post or Winters’ interview”.  Words that speak hope and words that speak life to weary journeyman.  I pray I give the same encouragement to you and those I meet.

In Everyone Needs A Sam, Winters writes that many will go to the mountain top with you.  There are many who want to tag along when you are important, but few will walk life’s dark valley with you.  He talks about those faithful friends that will join you in your lowest and darkest hour as you are searching for a  light switch, and they bring the flash light.  I pray I am that kind of friend, packed with a flash light and willing and ready to turn it on at a moment’s notice. I thank God for all my flashlight-carrying friends.  You are a blessing to us.

We have been on the mountain top of success and we have been in the deep valley of despair.  We have been rich and we have been poor.  But as the apostle Paul said, “I have learned to be content no matter the circumstances.”

This past week was a week of reflection.  That can be a good thing, but only if you come out the other side with more perspective and understanding.  And so I did, have more insight and perspective that is.  I wish some of the events of the past could have been different, but they weren’t and if they were different I would probably not be sitting here typing this post.  So again, I have a deeper appreciation for the here and now.

Winters is a deeper, more compassionate and wiser man than he was and for that I am so grateful. Because of the path we have chosen Winters Writes.  It is his gift.  His calling. Non-conventional as it may be.

I recently read a phrase on an artist friend’s business card the other day, it simply read:

“Sometimes on the way to the dream you get lost and find a better one”

I love that.

I think it can be so true , often we have a plan. We think we know what we want and we head out on the journey, dreams packed, prepared and ready. We have great plans.  However, along the way you find an even better one.

New passions, new purpose and new opportunities may pop up right in front of us and we must be open and willing to see the new dream God may have for us.

If the word of God says “He will give you the desires of your heart”, then the way I see it He will either give you the desires of your heart or change your heart’s desire.  I really do think it is that simple.  There may just be a new dream God is just trying to birth in your heart and life.  It might be right around the corner. One prayer time or devotional away from being birthed.

So if you have “hit your wall,” you have lost your “whatever” and you feel completely spent and on top of that you are afraid  your dream is just out of reach …

Be open.

Be willing.

Be restored and renewed.

Ask God for eyes to see and just wait, any moment your friends will start turning on their flashlights.

You are not alone.

On this Thankful Thursday dear friends, be renewed as you step into new purpose and new dreams! Because frankly maybe the new dream is better than the old one anyway.  And thank God for the friends with flashlights.

Be blessed and encouraged abundantly today on this Thankful Thursday as we remember that what ever we are walking through, God has not been taken by surprise, you are not lost, but found.

And the Dream, whatever it may be, is still alive and well in your heart and soul whether it be an old one or a brand new one!

I thought seriously about what to share with you today.  And I pray this speaks to whoever needs to hear it.

It spoke to me as I wrote it.  Funny that.

As many of you all know, it has been a long four years for Winters and I.  Our family has embraced a lot of change, feelings I have not kept from you. With that change came a lot of sadness and grief.  As Winters put it in the intro to his new book, “we faced death too soon, we weren’t ready, we needed more time.”

There are times I write the LBD’s Guide to a FabYOUlous You and think to myself, I feel anything but fabYOUlous right now, what can I share with these women when I feel so worn out, tired and old.

I painted the kitchen the other day.  I was ready for a change.  It had been a while since I had painted a room and my body reminded me of that.  As I lay in pain I realized that sometimes we must be reminded of our limitations – to realize we have them. Sometimes we forget we can’t do everything.  We can’t be all things to all people.  We are not perfect.  And we are not Wonder Woman, even if we do own the cape.

I was reminded:

I could not paint the entire room as easily as I use to.

I could not save my parents from their illness.

I could not fix the hurt in the lives of those I loved.

I could not even finish my book, yet.

But I also was reminded of what I can do!

I can still raise the Sons to change the world and realize the only thing stopping them is themselves.

I can still work on my book, and I am.

I can still share the gospel with whomever I meet.

I can still have a dance with Winters.

So here is my suggestion, we must focus on what you can do. That is my healthy living tip for today! Yes, dear friends, let’s focus on what we can do!!!

Sometimes knowing your limitations frees you to know what you can do and what you really need to do.

I have said it before, “just because you can do something does not mean you should.”

It was a year ago this week that Winters and I returned to Georgia to launch his book.  We were received with open arms and friends hosted beautiful parties to celebrate our new life.  Amazing what can transpire in a year!

Many exciting things are happening for Winters and I. New books, new opportunities to speak, new chances to teach and change the world for Christ!

I  praise the Lord for what we can do and what we do have: the life we have created here and the friends we have.

So be blessed and encouraged abundantly today as we focus our attention on what we can do and what we are called to do. It may not look like you thought it would, but I promise it will be awesome anyway!

P.S. I think this post was actually for me but I hope it blessed you too. By the way, the kitchen looks spectacular and I don’t feel so old today and I know true love!

Now that is a good day!

Yippie!!

It all started several months back.  It was a typical morning for the Sons of Thunder and The Little Black Dress that day.  We were scrambling for breakfast, searching for backpacks, digging through the never-ending mound of socks for a matching pair ( really I am not  exaggerating) and trying to find homework that had misplaced for the umpteenth time. Oh, and of course lets’ not forget the library books. Where are the library books? And what about breakfast?  Who has a breakfast bar to spare?  And I think to myself,  Dear Lord, please help me and take a big deep breath!

Frustration loomed everywhere and our morning was getting off to a very crazy start as you can tell… Have you been there and done that too! I am pretty sure this morning routine sounds familiar to you too?

Winters stood in the garage and He was just kind of shaking his head as we prepared to drive away.  As to say, Thank God you are at least in the car.  That is half the battle.  Just getting the three Sons of Thunder loaded in the car is a feat in itself.  If we can make it  to the sanctuary of the driveway we are assured to make it to school on time…

Well, then again, at least we hope so, as long as one of the Sons does not say”  I think I forgot…

I simply remember, Winters and I caught eyes again, and I said;

Thank God we have a car to drive

Thank God our children are healthy

Thank God we have money to pay for the car and for this life we are trying to rebuild and the endless mound of sock because that means we have socks to wear.

Thank God we have food on the table and friends to celebrate our life with!

Yes, Winters it is Thankful Thursday and we both laughed but we also reflected on the fact that, yes, indeed, we were really so thankful.

That is how I started this simple series each week.  I, like many of you get distracted by the difficulties of life but I want to acknowledge and remember all the good and abundant blessings in my life today and everyday.  About a year ago I added a section to the Power Prayer Girl Handbook,  reminding us to be thankful because that empowers you and I to be an even more effective prayer warrior! 

When we focus our attention on being thankful and grateful it keeps our heart soft and pliable.  It stirs us away from having a critical and negative spirit and makes us better women of God!

Today’s Thankful Thursday is really no different from that very first Thankful Thursday several months back.  However, school is out, so there is very little early morning scrambling.  Yippie! Just crazy trips to the pool and now rather than searching for sock we search for goggles, towels and the pool key! Oh, my!

 Just another thing to give thanks for because we have a pool to go and not everyone does. What a treat.  And thank God I can wear the Sons out and hope they sleep very, very well.  Could I be so lucky.  Mother’s you know you are all hoping for the same thing tonight!

But just like every other day, I again focus my attention on the good and all that I am thankful for…

I am thankful that school is out,

that friends and family are alright through the devastating storms across our country.

I am grateful my parents are with the Lord and not suffering.

I am grateful that my children are so happy and healthy 

and the list goes on and on.

On this Thankful Thursday and really everyday of the week I pray you will try to have an attitude of gratitude and thanksgiving.

I pray you will look around you and give God the Glory and thanks for all the blessings that fill your life!

So dear, sister what can you give thanks for today! Start making your list.  It will change your day and even your life, I promise.

Be blessed and encouraged on this Thankful Thursday and as we continue to give thanks each and everyday. Not just today!

With Mother’s Day fast approaching, I went to purchase Mother’s Day cards.

One for Winters’ mom and one for my dear friend, Carol, who is like a  mother.

I also gathered a few extras for some amazing women in my life who have never had any trouble telling me how much they love me. They are the kind who’ve been there through thick and thin.  Those cards have now been sent out too.

I read many cards, trying to find the right ones. I finally turned to the lady next to me and said “I  have had enough, I am getting out of here. This is making me want to cry.” And I did shed some tears a few minutes later.

I have found many perfect cards in my lifetime, but my favorite by far are by Papyrus.  They are lovely and worth every penny.  They are simply exquisite.  Definitely worth sending on Mother’s Day.

There was one card that stood out among the rest and it had my mom’s name written all over it! But there was a problem, she was no longer here.

It read” Only a mother as Fabulous as you … Could have had a daughter as Fabulous as me … Happy Mother’s Day!”    

It just put a smile on my face.  Miss Eddi would have loved it.

There was nowhere to mail so I simply brought it home.  And as it sat on the counter, the youngest Son of Thunder inquired  about the card and I explained the dilemma.  That we couldn’t really mail it, not knowing the address of heaven so I thought we would just hang onto it and remember what a Fabulous Mother my mom was!

He agreed it was a great idea.

With mom and dad both gone, questions often run through my mind. Questions like …

When your parents pass away, are you still a daughter?

Are you now an orphan?

Who will worry about me  if something happens to me?

Who will encourage me when I need encouragement?

Who will love me like my mom and dad?

I ponder those question once in a while …not often but yes once in awhile since I am new with whole thing.

And so on this Thankful Thursday I am reminded that God is faithful … He has and will fill your life with women and friends that will love you like a daughter; those that encourage and support and believe in you.  Those who believe in your very being and the very essence of who you are.

And most of all I remember there are no orphans in the Kingdom of God. We are all His children for eternity.

That’s true whether we have parents or not; whether we are separated by hurt or separated by death.

Remember, we are never separated from the love of Christ when we are in Him!

So on this Thankful Thursday be blessed and encouraged abundantly today that God will send people into your life to love you like their own!

Remember you were loved; remember you are loved.

And most of all, remember you are loved by the Creator of the Universe and it doesn’t get any better than that!

It is a  process.  A much-needed process for almost all human beings.  Some of us try to skip it,  just move on past it without dealing with it, grief that is.  But grief waits for you. It is patient and it simply waits.  It waits until you are ready to make the journey.

So many of us want to ignore it and some have tried  hard to skip right past grief.  But few have done it successfully.

For most of us we must simply walk through it, sometimes we are ready and sometimes we are not.

It is as though grief takes one hand and Jesus the other and you begin to walk together through the pain, through the memories and through the tears.  

How you grieve doesn’t matter so much as the fact that you do grieve. How you grieve is really up to you. No one else can tell you how to do it, when to do it, where to do or even how long to do it.

It is your grief and it is your pain alone to process.

Yours alone, my friend, and grief is like a patient friend who waits for you. Just waiting for the right moment to help you through your sorrow.

I am sure that there are those who think I haven’t grieved enough and others who think I have grieved far too much over the events of the last  four years. I know because I have been given much feedback about my grief.

What others think really doesn’t matter though. Whether they are right or wrong is really not the issue at all. It is about the one grieving the loss of the one that is gone forever.

I have learned this year that the beautiful thing about grief is it waits for you … Yes, it waits in the recesses of your heart until you are ready to make the journey. We do not just grieve once and it is over. No, not at all.  It is a process that ebbs and flows like the tide.

It is a though we stop at the bend in the road for a brief moment. We stop for a respite.  Just for a  moment so the pain and grief may wash over us. We stop to feel the deep hurt and loss we have been holding back for so long like that of a huge dam keeping the  flood gates closed.

We stop to sit and to rest a moment. We stop to cry and for a moment we let out the pain. And after that small pause in the road of life, we grieve and then we resume the journey of living once again.

But grief waits for you and when you are ready, then you may grieve.

The deep sadness we feel from death, abandonment, rejection, or even the death of a simple dream are each so deserving of  grieving.

I picked up an article not to long  ago that said the death of a loved one is like having a huge gaping wound that you are trying to care for all by yourself.  Well, that explains a lot doesn’t it? A wound so deep you can hardly comprehend it.

But what about those times that we must carry on?  Sometimes there is simply no time to grieve.  There are things to be done and life must keep going  on whether we like it or not. It would be nice to put life on hold so we could just let it all go, the pain, the hurt, the grief. We just want to escape. But that is not very realistic.  Let’s be honest, we must carry on. We just have to.

When you are grieving someone you love with Alzheimer’s, you grieve often.  You grieve many times over and over before your loved one ever actually leaves this world and then you grieve again when they finally do.

But like any loss, waves of grief and sadness find their way into your heart more than you ever thought possible.

Not to long ago, I read a great article by a women whose friend had died from complications of  Alzheimer’s.  It was a huge emotional outlet.   The tears flowed for my mom and for my dad and for every other loss I have ever had these last few years.

So for me, I grieve when I can, but this particular cry was long, quite and comforting.  It was unexpected, but obviously much-needed.

I needed to cry. I needed to grieve and so grief waited for me and on that day as I read that article, grief took one hand and Jesus the other and we journeyed through the process of  saying goodbye once again.

Grief waits for us when, you alone are ready.  It simply waits….. until the moment is right and you are ready to do whatever you need to do.

Be blessed and encouraged abundantly today and remember that grief  and our Lord and Savior wait patiently for you.

One of the best way to a fabYOUlous You is by having a healthy marriage and healthy friendships.  I refer to these friendships as the Sacred Few.  They are the inner circle.  Those who you can truly count on through thick and thin.

Today we will just focus on these key areas in our life: marriage and friendship.

These relationships have an enormous impact on our  health, happiness and helping us fulfill our personal passions and purpose.

Here are just some insights that I pray will help you have more healthy and whole relationships for years to come.

#10. Keep the Lines of Communication Open with your Spouse

Women are typically communicators.   It can be one of our greatest strengths, but also one of our greatest weaknesses. We can communicate so well we over communicate.  But we can also assume our husbands read minds or  know what we need because we have been married for many years. So keep the lines of communication open. This is no time for sulking or being passively aggressive.  

No! Sulking and pouting is not for a fabYOUlous girl like you. Remember, timing is everything, so don’t blurt out your needs right when your husband walks in the door from a long hard day at work, (my mom taught me that one) or right when your hubby’s head hits the pillow (I learned this one on my own the hard way!). Timing is everything.   Be sensitive to finding the right time to communicate your needs. But do communicate your needs.

I love the song Say What You Need To Say by John Mayer because there are things that just need to be said.  We need to say what we need to say. Sometimes it will not be easy and sometimes it will, but we must keep the lines of communication open.

There is a saying, “say what you need and get what you want.”  Ask your husband to help.  For example, if you need him to vacuum or help with dinner then ask. And if at first you do not succeed try, try again. Asking for helping is just flat-out a must.

It is not always easy, but is so important in a marriage.  Write an email, write a letter, lock yourselves in your bathroom or go out to dinner, but make sure you are on the same page about life, family and the future. It is a must.

God wants to bless your marriage and well, the bottom line is Satan wants to destroy it.  So protect the marriage at all costs.  One great way to do that is to keep the lines of communications open.  You will be glad because soon he will say what he needs to say and more than likely both of you will know what each other needs and that is critical to your marriage being a success!

#11. The Sacred Few

Surround yourself with the Sacred Few, the women that will walk through life’s journey with you.  They bring you support, wisdom, joy, blessings and casseroles too when you need them! These are the ones you can trust with your innermost secrets.

They know your greatest fears and craziest aspirations.

The Sacred Few are the friends that you can call  on in a moment of crisis.  They will stop everything, right in the middle of whatever they are doing, even turn around in the middle of the road  and go to the aid of your parents because you aren’t in town to help your parents. And yes, that was what a Sacred Few friends did for me. These are the women who do not ask why, but simply, where do you need me.

They will come to your aid and the aid of someone you know  simply because they believe in you. And if you say you need help, then that is all that needs to be said and all they need to know.

They do not question what you need, they simply say ” How can I help”.  They are the friendships that last a lifetime. They are the friends that I want to have in my inner circle.  They are loyal, trustworthy, brave and kind-hearted.  They are the Sacred Few!

These women are critical in  your life.  They are the ones that inspire you to greatness and encourage you to be more than you are. You must make the time to spend the time with these women.  These are crucial to your health and happiness.  These women will listen to the details of  your life story and not once ever ask “does this story have an end”.

Again, make time to be with the Sacred Few.  They will have your back and be on your side through thick and thin.  Find and identify your Sacred Few and stay with them because they will be a blessing!

Be blessed and encouraged abundantly today as we strive to have strong and healthy relationships in our marriage and with the Sacred Few.

I must be honest and say that our future still seems unclear and our plans for the future are still rather uncertain.  But we are making our way through the changes as best we can and  with God’s grace we are seeing our way through slowly but surely.

As many of you know, in the last four years we have taken on Alzheimer’s, job changes, buy outs, nursing homes, the loss of my mom, the loss of my dad, planning funerals,  moving once, moving twice, an estate sale, a home remodel, renting a house, flipping a house, returning to a house, selling a house, planting tulips, bidding farewell to friends and a great dispersion of stuff.  That’s just some of the list.

It was also during that time we have been on the brink of breakthroughs, breakdowns and plain broke more than once.

I am sure you too have your list. It may not look just like mine, but either way it is a list full of life challenges, disappointments and heart break; but hopefully some joy scattered throughout!  

So on that particular day a year ago, it  all caught up with me.  I had hit my wall, as we say around the Winters’ house, and when you have hit your wall, well, you have hit your wall.  You may know what I am talking about.  I know some of you do because you have told me so.

As I was driving all alone down the highway that day, I knew if  I just allowed myself to simply think about crying, I would.

Not that I wanted to cry, but the pain was just too close for comfort. Sometimes the pain needs an escape hatch, for me the tear ducts are usually it.

Living on the brink can be hard over time!  But that is where we often spend much of our time.  But it is often where we really find ourselves…

Life is a journey and for the believer it is one of faith and trust.

On this journey called life, we spend much of the time trying to find the path, find the time and yes, sometimes even finding the faith to pursue the dream God has for us while we are at the brink of whatever it is we are facing.

Sometimes God has to take us to the brink to finally take us to our breakthrough.

We might feel as though we have been squeezed through the eye of a needle trying to get there, but in the end we will have found the path. Sometimes it’s easy and sometimes it isn’t.  But that is why we must surround ourselves with those who believe in our purpose.

Keeping yourself together can be difficult in the middle of mourning, munchkins, mothering, marriage and maintaining the meaning of life.  But it can been done.  Whether you get a break through right away or not, staying strong is so important for the journey.  It is important for you and important for your family.

Staying strong is accomplished many different ways and I have personally found some fabulous ways to stay strong in the midst of the trials and stresses of life.  This coming Tuesday I will have a new a post sharing those insights.  I hope you will check it out.

But we must remember we are not alone.  We must remember that God and love will hold us together – that God said He will never leave us nor forsake us.

In the midst of all of our issues of life, remember, we are not alone.

So on that day more than a year ago, a song came on the radio that spoke so deeply to my spirit that I will never forget it.  It took me awhile to track it down but I finally did.  I was moved by the lyrics, instrumentals and the artist. Needless to say I was moved.

It has been danced to more than once as Winters and I have taken many spins around the kitchen to this all time favorite.  The Sons love it too!  Whenever I find myself getting down I love to play this inspirational song. Ironiclly, as I worked on this blog I heard the song three days in a row as I was in the car.  I rarely hear it and it was such a blessing. It just made me laugh and it put such a smile on my face.

Here are just some of those powerful words.  I can’t post the video here, but I hope you will check it out my Facebook page @ Corby Carlin Winters. This song and the video are powerful beyond words.  It brings me comfort, inspiration and encouragement. And I feel certain it will do the same for you.

Here is just a sampling, “It don’t have a job, it can’t pay your bills. Won’t by you a home in Beverly Hill. Won’t fix your life in five easy steps,  not the law of the land or the government. But it is all you need ~ Love will hold us together.  Make us a shelter to weather the storm. And I’ll be my brother’s keeper. So the whole world will know we are not alone.

It is waiting for you.  Knocking at your door.  In the  moment of truth. When your heart is full and you are on your knees.  Love will hold us together make us a shelter to whether the storm .  Because even in the dark you can still see the light, it’s going to be alright.” Love will hold us together .”This is the first day of the rest of your life.  It is going to be alright.  Love will hold us together make us a shelter to whether the storm!”

So dear, sweet friend, remember you may find yourself on the “brink” many times over in your lifetime but please … please … remember you are not alone. The love of others and the divine love of God will hold us together!

Be strong and of good courage and be blessed and encouraged today as God holds you together.

But I saw it, and it was confirmed by the staring and firing of a myriad of questions from the Sons of Thunder. And I was at a loss for words.

Moments later, another women appeared with wording on her sweat pants; right on her hinny. Words on your rear end? Is that really where you want to draw someone’s eye? Apparently so. The pants were tight beyond belief and her shirt was way, way too short. I took another look and thought, “what is the world coming to?” I must confess I even shook my head in disbelief. I didn’t mean to though, I promise.  

I started this blog more than two years ago, but I got so worked up over the subject matter I had to set it aside for a while on several different occasions. I decided to finish because again, I kept on seeing the same Fashion faux pas.  I am quite passionate about how we are dressing in our country.  I hate to judge people. I really do.  So this blog is not about that.  It is about addressing an issue and finding a solution.  I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.  Judging is right up there with a negative and critical spirit. Really, I mean it. If you have ever spent much time around a negative person, I promise it will teach you to keep your mouth shut. The old adage of “if you don’t have something good to say, then don’t say anything all” is a really good plan of action.

My mother instilled in me the character value of not judging others. She would often point out that I did not know what that other person was going through or what kind of life they had had and so on and so on.  But when I have seen what I have lately, I do not know how to wrap my head around such fashion disasters popping up everywhere.  I confess I have found it hard not to judge.  And even worse, I feel a majority of the blame falls on adults and not on young people.

Have we fallen and smacked our heads? Do we no longer have any self-respect? Do people no longer own mirrors? We have more conveniences than ever before – air conditioning, washing machines and air travel. Years ago, women traveled in stage coaches in 100-plus degree weather and yet still looked spectacular from head to toe. A bit uncomfortable? Yes, probably. But they looked good. Really Good.

I am afraid we can no longer determine what appropriate attire is. And how sad is that? I judged a pageant last year and asked the contestants if it was appropriate to wear pajamas in public. Sheepishly,  many contestants admitted to this fashion trend. Beauty Queens in Pajama in public, the horror of it all. Not in my day, I guarantee it! You wouldn’t have found a queen caught dead in hers, No way, no sir.  But now, pajamas are acceptable in broad daylight anywhere.

Pajamas are one thing, but having your breasts spilling out all over the place, and in church no less, is even worse. Pray tell what is the church coming to? Maybe that is why church attendance is up in some churches and all the men are smiling.  I’m sorry, I just had to say that.  As you can tell, this really gets my goat – as they say in Oklahoma. Why aren’t more women thinking about what is proper in front of men in the congregation instead of offering a peep show at the altar?

I had a pastor say to me once “no one knows what or how to tell the women that their attire is inappropriate.”  No one should have to, especially if they are older women – they should lead by example. I hate to say what I have seen some of the elementary girls wearing to church. And that means their mothers let them walk out the door dressed like that.  I saw a young teen in church and her skirt barely covering her hinny. Oh please.  ”Winters” commented too.  How could he not notice.  I sure did. And so did the rest of the church.

Personally, I think it is wrong when women in church go to the altar to pray and their pants ride down so far you can practically see their underwear. Been there and seen that and I can guarantee what the men are thinking and it is not about the Jesus.  Shame on us. This is a trend that is happening all over the country and frankly, it is tragic. Where have all the ladies gone?  What happened to class, sophistication and style?  I know they are not gone completely, but they sure have taken a backseat to something else.

Now let me say I am not a prude. I am a bit conservative especially the older I have gotten, but I have  friends who are far more conservative than me.  I am also a bit of a fabulosofashionisto. Not sure if that is even a word, but basically I love fashion! LOVE IT!  I suppose that is why “Winters” calls me the The Little Black Dress. The bottom line is that I love to dress up. “Winters,” the Sons of Thunder and my sacred few friends can all attest to this.

I even have a few friends who tease me for my over sized big black hats I sport to the pool each summer. Those hats are truly to protect my experienced, delicate skin.  At least that is how my Esthetician describes my skin. I much prefer experienced or delicate over mature or old, don’t you?  I do love those fabulous hats though.  If you don’t have one they are perfect summer accessory.

When we lived in Alaska, we would throw parties just so we could all get dressed up. It was so much fun. Everyone had a great time pulling out their favorite attire and especially me and my Little black Dress.  Once I went to the landfill on a quick unplanned excursion. The guy who ran it said something like, “You came to the dump awfully dressed up today.”

I guess a knockout pair of shoes, pearls, a camel skirt and nicely sweater tied over my shoulders were not dump attire.  Well, maybe for the Little Black Dress. I guess you have to draw the line in the sand somewhere. Clearly there is a time and a place for everything. Even the Little Black Dress must remember that.

But I also love to dress down. I am crazy about my good old pair of black sweatpants. Frankly, when the last favorite pair wore out I thought I just might cry. Of course “Winters” was thrilled and has threaten to throw them out a time or two, but to no avail!   It’s all about what is proper and appropriate for the time and place. I don’t mind flip flops at church, but never at the White House. And I like ripped jeans as much as anyone, but not on the Sons of Thunder when they go to school or church.

I know that I am not alone in my love for fashion and trying to dress well.  I see many women who do.  Putting on their best fashions and just embracing life with gusto.  So you Go Girls!  And kudos to you!

But unfortunately, I am afraid we as a nation have lost so much self-respect and integrity that we can’t remember how to dress appropriately in public. Some might say we don’t care anymore. One of my dear American friends who now lives in France said Europeans would never be caught dead wearing what some of the Americans do.  They have far too much concern about looking good. They also care what other people think.

I do believe some care and care a lot. Young people sure do.  That is why they are trying so hard to fit in.  They want the latest fashion trends like North Face jackets, the right tennis shoes and everything else. They care all right. Young people are looking for role models and where are they? Let’s be honest.  We  know right where they are –  in Hollywood and the sports fields. And they are some of the worst dressers around. Trying to be different, trying to be hip. Role models are also at home in the kitchen, in the car pool line and working on computers at their everyday job.  We are the role models.  Everyday people like you and me. We set the bar and the example for young people to follow.

What messages are we sending our young people and even our very own children? What makes it hard for me is I am trying to teach young women and young men to set a new standard and yet what do they see, who do they look up to?  After I spoke  at a church event a parent came to me and said, “Well, I guess I will have to stop wearing my pajamas to the store.” I said in a agreeing tone, YES!

Now I have had my share of fashion blunders, and some were pretty bad. Black satin pants in 1978, made famous by Olivia Newton John in Grease, that my mother actually let me wear to school.  I really wish she had said no.  A big, wacky perm in the Fall of 1983, a huge, huge regret and I wish my hair dresser had said no.  And then there were the really short skirts in the 1990s, but at least I didn’t wear them to church.  However, I am afraid I have to admit I attended a funeral in one. Never forgot that poor decision. Wish I had taken a glance in the mirror and said no.

I’ve made mistakes, but the point is I’ve tried to learned from them.  My love for fashion and beauty has made me a student of  the classic and timeless styles.  There is a difference between indulging in the latest fashion trend and making fashion disasters – like wearing pajamas as shopping attire. You don’t have to have a lot of money or even time to put together an appropriate and great look!

But to me, there really are two issues here. First, what is inappropriate for the time and place and second, what is inappropriate anywhere, anytime, anyplace.

From bras becoming an accessory to show off to the infamous muffin tops, what will we see next?  What is even worse is that we are raising a generation that thinks this is appropriate.  What moms and dads are doing, children are doing. That’s just the way it is.  I’m not saying we should go back to the 1800′s, but when a man’s pants are falling down because they are riding so low on his hinny that his underwear is showing and he just can’t keep them up without holding them with one of his hands, something’s got to give. I witnessed this just the other day at a local restaurant.

And when a woman’s skirt is so short, you don’t know if it might actually be a long shirt, something is out of balance.  Call me a prude if you want, but this is simply sad to me. Maybe we need the fashion police, or Stacy and Clinton from What Not To Wear to roam the countryside and implement a new standard.  We need something and we need it fast.

As one of my sacred few friends who is like a mom to me once said when we witnessed just such a sight together, “there are a things that are just for your husband to appreciate,  but they are not for anyone else to see.”  How wise she was.  How do we train up young men and women with self-respect, integrity, purity and good old modesty in a society that is almost devoid of  it?  We must think about the image we are presenting to those around us and even to our children.

Think twice ladies and gentlemen.  Think twice before you even leave the house.  Look in the mirror and ask yourself   “Is this appropriate” and “how do I look”  At careerbuilders.com there was a recent post called What Not To Wear-Five Interview Attire Don’ts.  The last was called Don’t Avoid The Mirror. Hallelujah!   So I am not the only one stressing the importance of a double take.

When I speak to the students in schools all over the country, one of the first things I tell them is this: The world judges you by the way you look and dress, by the way you talk and by the way you act. Right or wrong, good or bad. It is just a fact. We must help young people make good choices and the proper standard starts with us. The world is going to judge them.  Whether it be a future employer, a University admissions officer or even potential in-Laws; so we must raise the bar and help this generation make good choices.

Starting today, I would love everyone who is a role model to raise the fashion awareness bar and set a new standard for future generations. I was never that fond of the word modesty, but right now it sounds pretty fabulous to me. We need to do something, and do it quick.  Setting a good example ourselves  is a great place to start.

May we value integrity, sophistication and self-worth! May we vow to raise real men and women of God, who are true ladies and gentleman. May we teach them to take pride in themselves. And those who really know how to dress, speak and act well.  And may the world stand back and appreciate the style and class of this new generation of young people.

To be honest with you, this is a sad story, but is scattered with love, hope, and encouragement.  I pray my story is a blessing to you and if you have found yourself in a similar situation, I also pray it brings you comfort, wisdom and strength.

For the last five years, we watched the slow decay of my parents.  Alzheimer’s was our foe.  At times, for me, it was like watching through a foggy window and staring into someones else’s home.  I would think… this can’t be happening to us, to these amazing people.  At first slowly, and then very quickly, the disease caught up with them and also with us.  I am one of thousands of women that have found themselves in what is being called the sandwich generation.   We are among those who are caring for their young families and now have the responsiblity of caring for their parents, too.   It is sadly, being sandwiched  between two worlds.   At first, it was hard to grasp, as my brother and I do not live near our parents.  Because of the distance between us, we only saw them maybe twice a year.

Each trip brought new subtle hints that things were not quite right.  My father was the master of explaining away these troubling  issues.  Dad would not remember holidays or birthdays.  He began to hide things and forgot to pay bills.  There were big bills, like home insurance and car insurance and heating bills which resulted in neglect.  The red flags just kept coming, but these things were so unlike the man I knew who was always on top of everything.   He was the go-to man.  He was always able to help with just about anything.  He was the primary caregiver for our mother.  We have since learned that it is often the caregiver who is impacted as severely as the patient.

We knew my mother had been declining for about five years.  It grew harder and harder for her to even get up and to get dressed.  She quit painting, then quit driving and was cooking less and less.  As time passed, even communicating became more and more difficult.  I realize that I had  been dealing with the loss of my mother for years.  Though painful, this is the reality. Seeing  my father  begin to suffer mentally at the same time, was simply incomprehensible.  When we realized that, we had to step in.  We tried everything  to assist them without disrupting their lives and dignity.  This was to no avail.

We hired home healthcare nurses who would work for a day or so before being dismissed by my father.  You see, my father’s problem is that he lost all short-term memory.  He was “hard-wired”  as the doctors said, about things he had done all his life.  He could drive, he could shop, he could operate on animals at his veterinary practice, but he could not remember a conversation from an hour ago.  He could not even remember when we were there visiting.   My dad could remember his grandkids’ names, but not that he had lunch with them two hours before.

The nurses would come.  He would get angry and ask why they were there?  He would fire them and then get upset when we told him that was not an option.  He thought my mom was fine.  He was convinced that she was doing  the cleaning, washing , vacuuming and daily taking her pills.  Unfortunately, she wasn’t  and couldn’t do any of those things.  We spent most of the summer of 2008, at their home, trying to help sort everything out and attempt to help them get everything medically and financially in order.  Our problem was, we could not convince my dad that HE was having problems, or that mom needed help other that him.  He would finally agree to accept help and then unfortunately, he would forget that entire conversation within an hour.  We  would be  back to square one.

In September of 2008, we decided to step in and take control.  My dad could not take care of mom, whom we knew needed full-time care.  The disease had altered my father’s personality and he became very paranoid.  My brother went to court and took emergency guardianship. Later, we appeared in court and my brother was granted full and permanent guardianship.  Alzheimer’s left me feeling as if I had been initiated into some type of bizarre club!  It had become necessary to place both my parents in an assisted living facility.    What are the odds of losing both parents to this horrible disease at the same time?

In less than two weeks, we basically dismantled their lives.  Their lives, as they knew it, no longer existed.  We shut down my dad’s fifty-five year veterinary practice that been his pride and joy. We took my mother out of her home and away from all her prized possessions.

It has been one of the saddest experiences of my life.  I realized  that Christmas, Easter and summer vacations would never be the same.  The mere conversations that I once took for granted would now no longer occur.  The simple stuff in life was not so simple anymore.  It is tragic to comprehend that my children will no longer experience their grandparents outside of the nursing home walls.  I have spent the better part of a year holding back the tears that so easily want to come.  Some days, I feel like I’m holding on by a thread.  Thank God, the thread remains strong!

The sons of Thunder have been quick to ask if I am crying.  Even if I just have the sniffles from a cold, they are concerned.  Unfortunately, they have grown used to seeing tears and they know that does not make one weak.  Fortunately,they are quick to give comforting hugs and kisses.  They know things are different, too.  I have tried to shield them from this experience but it really is impossible to do.   My brother and I have had to spend hours on the phone dealing with their care and it always seems to be at the worst times.  The boys have been awesome putting up with this.  My husband has been unbelievable.  He is truly a rock.

My mother has now lost her ability to speak, but her smile and sweet gentle touch remain. She still knows me.  At least she knew me at Christmas ,which was the last time I spent time with her.  We originally had them together, but found it was necessary to put them on separate wards.  See, my dad kept thinking they were at some hotel and wanted to check out and get back to work.  He has no idea what is going on until the nurse “redirects him” as they call it.  My dad continues to have problems accepting what is going on.  He often thinks he is at a meeting or a speaking engagement, which really is just fine with me.  My mom seems content with where she is, and I think she realized what was happening.

It’s been incredibly hard to separate them.  This is not the kind of thing you want for your parents as they approach their 50^th wedding anniversary.  They are allowed see each other once or twice a week.  I continue to remind myself they are safe and well cared for where they are.

They are still the most loving people I have ever known.  My mother was a gifted artist and an amazing prayer warrior.  Everyone went to mom to be prayed for.  She knew no stranger. Dad even had a small church for about 6 years.  They were funny, outgoing and awesome parents.  They loved to entertain, dance and travel.  Our home was always open to friends and family.  The person I am today I attribute to my faith in Jesus, and to their love, encouragement and instruction.  They never failed to instill in me the faith that I could accomplish anything I wanted to do.

I try to look back without regret on the choices we’ve made.  My only regret was we did not intervene sooner.  We were so concerned about not making them angry with us.  We were their children.  They were our parents, but I should not have worried so much about making them mad or intruding on their privacy.  I should have focused more on the fact that they no longer could truly care for themselves.  I would have talked to them much sooner about their health care choices and all the legal issues we have now have had to face.

Although I am a counselor, one of the best decisions I made was to see a counselor myself. There comes a time when family and friends need a break from your sad story.  A trained professional can bring support, perspective and insight.  Ironically, my counselor happened to be living through the same experience with her parents.  Of course, I know that it was no mere accident, but perfectly ordained by the Lord, to put me with just the right person at just the right time.

There are days that I laugh at the fact that I am out sharing this message of Extraordinary Living when I know people may look at my life, with all its heartache, and wonder if the two are incongruent.   I still believe we are called to Live the Extraordinary Life, even in the midst of extraordinary pain.  I know, for certain, that God has a great and mighty plan for each one of us, even in the midst of our suffering.  My parents have had an Extraordinary Life, but that life was taken away by disease.  The spirit of God, however, is still alive and well inside them.  My husband and I remember the wonderful life we have, our precious and wildly wonderful Sons of Thunders, our health, and family.  I firmly believe we should live our lives, right now, today, this minute, this very second.  This very moment deserves our full attention and it should be savored, because it will be gone before we know it.

I thank God for my friends, who have walked this journey with me and have never tired of my story and my pain.  I am grateful for the amazing women in the bible study I lead for two years. The women were, and are, incredible women of God.  I am blessed to have such amazing Godly women friends that have been with me all the way through this. You know who you are!  Words cannot thank you enough for your love prayers and support. 

I am also so thankful for these matriarchal women that I must name, like Carol, Laverne and Sue, who have stepped in to love me as my mother would have if she could have.  These childhood friends’ mothers have been unbelievably supportive.  Carol let me stay with her for three weeks during an emergency trip back and even helped to move my parents to new living quarters with help from my maid of honor, Anna, while Sue and Laverne kept mom occupied.  These are true friends, the ones you can call and who show up at the drop of a hat.  The friends who will even turn the car around in the middle of the raod to go right where you need them to go.  I thank God for my parents’ friends, who visit them faithfully.  They have supported me through encouraging words and have reminded me that my parents would have done this for them. They remind me I am doing the best I can for them and that helps alleviate some of my pain. We should all be so blessed to have those kinds of friends. I am thankful, too, for my husband’s parents who have always treated me more like a daughter than a daughter-in-law. I am truly blessed and so grateful. They provided endless support and words of encouragment that came at such a critical times as well.

I have hung on to the fact that God says that all things work together for good…… God does not say that all things are good, but that He will work them together for good.  There is good in the midst of all of this.  I pray you can see that just as I have come to see it.  My parents are safe, loved, and well cared for.  My mother loves on the nurses with her sweet and gentle spirit and is being enjoyed by those she is around.  My Dad prays for the others in the home and shares Jesus with them.

For me, I have reconnected with so many dear friends throughout this ordeal.  We are now returning to our home state to be closer to my parents and my husband’s family.  This will allow us to be more involved in their care.  My marriage and family is strong. My brother and his family are strong.  We are united together as a family and in our faith.   Best of all, at least for today, my Mom and Dad still know who I am.  So I continue to believe God is still working all things together for His good!

I have thought of myself as a city girl.  However, I was raised on a farm for the first 9 years of my life, with horses, dogs, cats, chickens, and ducks.  It was a great life.  We had a small barn and I could saddle and ride my horse whenever I wanted.  I do so love the country, but I do love the city, too.  The theater, the restaurants and the shopping are wonderful.  Having lived all across America from Tulsa to Beverly Hills, New York City to Washington D.C., and from Alaska to Georgia, I have grown to appreciate the unique gifts of a small town.  For the last nine years, we dreamed of one day returning to Grand Lake, to the water and to family.

The country life is pretty wonderful and now as Fall approaches, the trees are turning and Winterspointe is more beautiful than ever.  One thing I enjoy most is reading my bible on the back porch and taking in the splendor of the view.   I also love to take my walks up the road to the mailbox with the Sons of Thunder.

One afternoon, I convinced the boys to take a walk with me up to the mailbox.  Now, Seth is my listener and he is like his father in that respect.  He wasn’t feeling well so he stayed home.   Caleb and Levi are pretty much me made over and over and over again.  John’s mother loves to say “the apple didn’t fall far from the tree” and she is right.  They love to talk and they have a comment for everything.  So needless to say, the beautiful and serene walk is full of chatter, laughter and a thousand questions that come at me at the rate of an AK-47.

I will often point to a tree and say can we at least walk to that tree in silence and enjoy the view for one moment.  Everyone agrees, but it is a Herculean task which comes to an abrupt stop the moment we reach the tree and then the questions return.

On this particular day, Levi was running down the hill a hundred miles an hour.  I could see a fall coming at any moment.  It seemed inevitable.  So I quickly urged him to stop and suggested maybe he walk or even just skip.  “SKIP!”  Levi exclaimed,  I’m not sure I can skip.  Don’t girls skip?  Boys don’t skip do they mom?”   You get the picture (AK-47 questions.)

Now Caleb is my teacher.  It is his natural gifting, so he chimes in to agree this is a good idea and he will demonstrate.  I decided I , too, would demonstrate the lost art of skipping. The very, very  lost art of skipping.

Kid’s skip. Women don’t skip.  Men don’t skip!  If they did we would probably be calling the Hospital.  Kids are the ones who ought to be skipping.  With video games and TV, I am not  sure kids even skip… well especially boys.  But for that one brief moment we  SKIPPED.  We laughed, we teased, we joked and I remembered what it was like to be a child again in the woods and to just simply BE.  It was a brief moment in time where we just skipped!  I have to admit I was a pretty good Skipper!

The trials of life will surely come and they are usually right around the wooded bend in the road, often when we least expect them.  Our trial came in the dark, just one week later when one of the Sons of Thunder, Seth, became so sick he had to be hospitalized and have surgery.  We faced death that night, but we were ready and equipped with God’s word and a multitude of believers standing in agreement for his healing!  A small town rallied around with prayers , gifts and endless support. Prayers poured in from all over the country for our sweet son and for our whole family.   Seth has returned home from the hospital and we rejoice in his healing and health.

Yes, the trials will come, but we must not forget how to embrace our child-like faith and believe in the impossible and in miracles!  We must also remember to keep our child-like imagination and to laugh much.  We must also remember to never give up on the dream God has placed in our hearts.  Sometimes we have to take leaps of faith .  And sometimes maybe even skip!

Be blessed and and encouraged abundantly today