Secret Garden, Sweet Hummingbird, Special Gifts

God gives us sweet gifts to get through hard times.  I know He has for others and now He has for me.  When my husband, John, told me of my mother’s death, it was very surreal.  Having lived all over the country, I sometimes wondered where I would be when I heard the news of my mother’s passing.  Would I be with her?  Would I be alone?  Would I be with friends and family?  I even wondered how I would take the news and who would tell me.  Mommy had been sick  for a long time, so I knew she was not going to be with us for long. I also knew that the news would probably come sooner rather than later.  That, however, did not seem to make it any easier .

The news came on a beautiful hot day on June 8, 2009, at around 5:00 p.m. I was in our backyard in Georgia.  We had created a lovely oasis.  Years of hard work, digging, landscaping, building arbors, laying cobblestones and  flagstone (hauled all the way from Oklahoma, ironically) and plantings.  Everything had all come together to make a beautiful secret garden.

We had the prettiest rosemary bush that made for the best rosemary pork chops and a multitude of other great recipes.  I also planted boxwood, compact holly, Azaleas and Gardenia. It was a feast for the eyes. My mother- in- Law has an amazing green thumb and with her encouragement, and literally some  seed money, one year I bought about 20 azaleas.   I then embarked on a new adventure of creating a space that was a blessing to all who entered it.  It was our favorite place to be.  The end result was a place we all found peace and serenity from the  hectic metro Atlanta lifestyle.  It was our peace of Heaven on earth.

On this particular day, I was on the phone with one of my dear friends, our former pastor’s wife.  I had not spoken to her in many months. We had shared each other’s hardships and had even joined together to lead a women’s Bible study at our church.  We had just been discussing how many changes  had occurred in our lives in the last two years.  Most were difficult and some had even tested our faith.  But we were both determined to stay strong and trust God no matter what.

It was the perfect place to be when John appeared on the porch with a very strange look on his face.  I knew Death had come.  It was there among friends, family and in my beautiful secret garden that I heard my mother was now with Jesus.   I had wanted to go and be with my mom but I had also wanted to be with my husband and children.  I was so torn.  I wanted to be with my little ones, to wipe their tears when they heard MiMi was gone.  Selfishly, I wanted to be with my husband and have him hold me as I grieved.  I was pulled between the roles of daughter and mother.  Who do I put first?  Whose needs are the most important?
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I felt deep in my spirit my mother was saying to be among the living! Be with the Sons of Thunder, as we love to refer to the Winters boys.  She adored John and I know she would have said for me to be with my husband.  So that is what I did.  I would have loved to have been there as mommy left this world for the celestial heaven and enter the Kingdom.  Yes, but I was with her.  I was with her throughout our lives and we had celebrated this precious life together.  She had really lived!

So I held my boys that hot summer day and we shared death and life together.  I will never trade that moment for anything.

God is merciful and full of Grace.  As we sat in our secret garden and took in the moment, a  hummingbird zipped by three or four times.  The beauty and the splendor of these sweet little birds is a joy to see.   I love to see them but rarely did.  Was this a precious gift from God?  Yes!  A gift from my mother?  I certainly think so!

Since Mom’s death, we have moved to Oklahoma and that sweet hummingbird has followed me here.   I see that sweet hummingbird often and every time I see it, I think of Mom.  It makes me smile and think of what an amazing creature my mom was.   Her energy was endless like the sweet hummingbird.  The visits are truely a gift.  When it drops by, it brings a smile and the hope that God’s love endures forever.  My mom is in my heart always and I am as certain that I will see her again, as I am that I will see the sweet little hummingbird.